21-12-2020

Good evening. How’s things?

The year is almost over. It has almost passed. And what a year it has been. At some point I thought it was never gonna end, but at some it felt like the weeks were just flying by. I’m in the couch, having a cup of tea. The rain is tapping against the windows. Reflecting. The cases are increasing again. I almost forgot. Put covid in the box of “oh do you remember when..” But it’s here again. The numbers increasing. Talking about it at work. Tired of it. We are all tired of it.

Relax.

A little update…

Oh dear, where did the time go? It’s been a while since I checked in here. But life has been a little bit of a roller-coaster lately and so much has happened. I got a new job. Summer is here. It’s almost Christmas. The year is almost over. But I’m excited. I feel like life is getting better. Like I’m moving forward.

I feel excited. For a new year. For what life has in front of me. It’s a nice feeling. The feeling of going in the right direction.

Today I’m having a day off. I have been to the gym. Picked up the weeks groceries (and they even added chocolate for my pick-up order, it made me so happy. It’s like they know me from what I usually order and gave me the healthier option) and now I’m laying in the couch going through stuff for work. Yesterday we put up the few Christmas decorations we have. I said “if we don’t even try to celebrate Christmas here, we will never get used to it”. It’s weird to celebrate Christmas in the middle of summer, but we just need to change our mindset.

Motivation Monday

Yesterday I had a little bit of a emotional breakdown, and today is no better. Everything just feel so hard. I know this year has been tough on everyone so somehow it feels like it’s not ok to be sad, that I need to be grateful for everything that I do have, to not complain. But sometimes we all just need to let go for a moment, to let oneself be vulnerable.
This year has been tough on a personal level as well as everything else that is happening in the world and I feel like I’m walking in mud. Constantly two steps forward, one step back. I am trying to trust the process, and I know that everything will be fine. But some days I feel like giving up. The thing with being an adult though, is that giving up is not an option. No one will do the job for you. So the only option is to keep on trying and believe, that tomorrow will be better.

Wednesday morning

Good morning!
I am trying to get into the habit again of going to bed early, waking up early but my mind is all over the place before I finally fall asleep and when the alarm goes off at 6:30 I feel tired and like I had a restless sleep. It is always like this before we apply and get the visa granted and I know that there is no reason for it to not get approved, but it is hard to deal with the feeling of that this is not my real home. That it is someone else deciding if we can stay or not. And of course that is creating a lot of stress, subconsciously or not.

Now I am just having my second coffee (9:23am) for today and waiting for the time to hit 10.00 so I can go down to the gym. Then shower, get ready, have lunch and go to work 🙂

City break

It was just us. And the mountains. And the silence. It was wonderful. Almost a bit uncomfortable at first. There were no sound of traffic, not a single sound of stress. You could hear the breeze. The nature breathing. I realised I haven’t felt this calm in ages.

So we were standing there, in the kitchen. Almost a bit lost. Just us. This is where we’re gonna spend the weekend. Sounds a bit exaggerated, but without the pump from the city around us I felt, different. Almost like something was missing. After a few bottles of a average priced bottle of red and a not very expensive bottle of prosecco, we talked. We talked; what felt like we haven’t talked in ages. Unloaded our hearts. The pressure from what’s going on in the world. The pressure of being a prisoner in your apartment to keep us safe so we talked. A lot. And shared. And had another sip of wine in between. And planned (is it OK to plan your future in the middle of an pandemic?) but we did. Our future.

And it was exactly what we needed to go into our 6 year wedding anniversary. Leaving the city and just be. No reception, no wifi. Just us. You and me.

I love you